Tuesday, May 10, 2005


A bit of a pickle (BETA)

So there I was the other night, cheesy crackers in one hand and a nice chardonnay in the other, talking to mommy and poppy about how the pickle they were offering me reminded me of a situation at work. Actually, it reminded me of most situations at work for the last few months.

Poppy said I should just poke anyone that was nasty to me with a big sharp stick but then mommy said "don't be evil". I couldn't think why but that phrase seemed strangely familiar but then I remembered, so I made a note to run the possibility past Sergey in the morning.

You see we invented this great new product that speeds the web up for people with broadband, the techies didn't tell me why but presumably it means that broadband users can enjoy the zippy speeds that dial up users must be getting. Maybe poppy can get the telephone company to install dial up for me. The only thing is that everyone's in a flap because it gives people the wrong logged in control panels on some sites and the wrong cached details. They say it wasn't tested. That's so not true, mommy used it for an hour and she didn't say anything about being able to read poppy's emails or view the control panels on the forums he goes to. Okay, so 50 minutes of that hour was mommy asking poppy about some woman named "Angela the tramp" but it so was totally and utterly tested.

Well mommy pointed out that people's expectations were unreasonable. How could people expect to save milliseconds off a web page download AND have security and privacy. Mommy suggested that as it wasn't our fault and it couldn't be the user's fault (or they wouldn't download the product) then it must be the webmaster's fault (again).

So the other morning I bumped into George from technical at the M&Ms vending machine. He suggested we tell webmasters that something called their cache control headers were wrong and that they should fix them to make our product work. George is a genius, it's so much easier to whizz off a few hundred thousand emails than it is to dig out the source code and fix it (there's all sorts of funny words and numbers and stuff in the source code).

Marissa, ever tim
goddam this thing
every time I try and writ
e a comment someth
ing seems to au
tomatically click the post button all the time.
Please hel
Why the friar tuck should a webmaster have to go back and change page settings or server settings just to accommodate a piece of data grabbing revenue enhancing nosey parkerware - The thing is, if you were up front and said to the user and "hey, btw, WA also does x y and z and it will help us too.." then for me at least it wouldn't be so bad, but noooo, company x has to get all bullshitivist and...you get the picture :)
Hello Weakness, it's so nice to be able to respond to people reading my blog.

I'm sorry but I don't really understand your reference to Friar Tuck although it is terribly appropriate, as it refers to Robin Hood (Kevin Costner is SO dreamy)

Just like Robin Hood, Company X aims to do good by taking traffic from the poor and giving it to the rich. Ah, wait, hang on, I meant the other way around. Well anyway we stand up for the rights of the dear little users who don't have the brains, oh not brains, what's the word I'm looking for?, ability? yah, ability, to make their needs clear to the bad guys.

I'm going to ignore everything else you said, but I'm sure you won't mind.
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* Unreal, pretend, not true. Marissa, or indeed any Marissa, did not write this. This is a joke, a subtle dig at a company similar to CompanyX.