Thursday, May 26, 2005

 

Even more Marissas Answers (BETA)

Hey Anonymous (again, gosh, you are a fan aren't you?)

I have 3 interlinked domains and and one link farm that doesn't belong to me ;) and I just dropped off the front page for my main key word, my compettition is all spam and I was wondering if maybe you could help me out a little bit even though I didn't break any rules on purpose. What is Xguys cell
Oh I am sorry Anon, but you don't really sound important enough to merit a hand job from XGuy. Can you answer these questions and then I can tell you;

1. Do you sell books and a lot of other stuff we don't link to yet but soon will?
or
2. Have you recently very publically banded with us to help stop spam?
or
3. Are you an absolutely, megatastically huge household name?

I thought not, sorry then but no help from us, naughty spammers must take their punishment like a good boy, and don't waste your time telling me that you didn't spam because clearly if the algo has caught you then you were being naughty. Weren't you? Just a little bit?

Yes I thought so.

Now clearly your competition cannot be all spam because we have algos which prevent spam (as you just found out) so I'm afraid you'll just have to accept that your site wasn't designed to our high standards and/or didn't provide information the users require.

Perhaps you'd like to consider beta testing our new 'toolbar without a toolbar' feature which enables a website to use the XLink feature and get great blue stripes whatever type of browser the user is using. You simply need to put a small 'call home' piece of code in your source and some big buttons (designed for ease of user use and to enhance their browsing experience) on your pages. It looks great and links every mention of books, VIN codes, addresses and cheese to a more suitable website than your own.

Comments:
>Do you sell books and a lot of other stuff we don't link to yet but soon will?

Ohhh ok, I get it now, you mean that fusion thing where my stuff becomes our stuff? I sooo love that idea! I'm thinking maybe a cheese database ;).
 
Marissa, why doesn't CompanyX have some sort of way for people to petition for a site to remove, old/linkspam/irrelevent pages?

There are tons of unattended out-dated pages that the webmasters don't even know they have. If they don't contest a petition, its weight should be demoted or even removed.

This is a simplistic take on it, but I think many would appreciate something like this.
 
Wow, that's a really arrogant post. I hope you're joking, because the algo really isn't that good at catching spam. Pick any travel topic for example, it's impossible to find decent travel info using your algo.
 
ok - I'm going to say it one more time in the vague hope it might sink in;

PARODY
 
I take it this parody goes much deeper than the sarcasm on Nick Burns: Your Company's Computer guy.
 
Though I love the tongue in cheek approach I question this blog's life expectancy... or else its free comment ability...

The post you had to emphasize as a Parody and your further reiteration of that here suggests this may be too able to be misunderstood and reflect poorly on CompanyX...

And as all parodies work there has to be elements of truth you are mocking... thus in this case it comes off more as an inside joke that is not supportive of customers...

Though either way I don't care... I pretty much fit all three of your conditions...LMAO!!! <-- now that was sarcasm!
 
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* Unreal, pretend, not true. Marissa, or indeed any Marissa, did not write this. This is a joke, a subtle dig at a company similar to CompanyX.