Tuesday, May 17, 2005

 

Report on our first Shareholders meeting (BETA)

Last Thursday was Company X's first Shareholders meeting.

It was jolly good fun, Eric talked to people about our plans for helping the whole world, including those poor users in China who don't have many of our essental programs at the moment. Eric has tasked me personally with bringing blue streaks to China, although he's said we may have to change them to red.

Then he talked about ScholorX (BETA), which will one day hold every bit of knowledge in the world, and if you want to know something you'll be able to plug yourself into it, just like The Matrix. Of course the French don't like this but then the French don't like anything really. Except cheese.

Next, people asked questions. A lot of these people may have been staff and a lot of those staff may have recently been having meetings with me but that is merely co-incidence. Someone asked a very interesting question about why our products are in beta for so long which allowed Sergey to explain that Beta is a matter of Pride. I thought Beta was a letter from some old alphabet but Larry says he'll explain it to me later.

Then Larry explained about the dynamic and forward thinking move away from our previous motto to the new "just do it" one. He said that while we still believed in the higher principals outlined with our shareholder prospectus a lot can change in a year and no one's really going to notice if things get shuffled around a little.

After that I did my presentation, which went down really well, and then Eric closed the meeting by explaining Company X would continue to grow and was already available in 100 languages. Obviously some of those, like French, are just joke languages, but most are very important to us, even Chef is taking Klingon lessons in case we have the King of Klingon to a meeting one day. I think Klingon is one of those funny shaped countries sort of below and to the right of England?

We're also going to change our X-maps so that they show more countries, but we were waiting for the ScholorX (BETA) programme to get up to the Atlases, and when you're digitising all the world books alphabetically it takes a while. Mommy only finished scanning the Aaron the Aardvark series last Tuesday.

We closed the meeting with a rousing rendition of "We are the Champions" and then got rid of the shareholders and had a bit of a disco. We thought we might hold the next meeting somewhere a bit more exotic. Suggestions welcome.

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* Unreal, pretend, not true. Marissa, or indeed any Marissa, did not write this. This is a joke, a subtle dig at a company similar to CompanyX.